## August 2017

Question: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer: Ten. One to change the bulb, one to hold the ladder and seven to watch.

## June 2017

Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

## April 2017

How do you make 7 an even number?

Take away the first letter!

## 20 March 2017

Did you hear about the boy who refused to take the decimals test?

He could not see the point!

## 13 March 2017

Why is it dangerous to do arithmetic in the jungle?

If you add 4 and 4 you get ate!

## 21 November 2016

I hired an odd-job man to do 8 jobs for me, but he only completed jobs 1, 3, 5 and 7.

## 7 November 2016

Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers?

He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

## 31 October 2016

Teacher: “What is 3k + 2k?”

George: “5000!”

## 24 October 2016

An ignorant politician visits Algeria.

As part of his visit he delivers a speech to the Algerian people.

“You know that I regret that I have to give this speech in English.”

“I would very much prefer to talk to you in your own language.”

“But unfortunately, I was never good at algebra.”

## 17 October 2016

Boy: “ Dad, it’s so cold in here! ”

Father: “ Well, go stand in the corner ”

Boy: “ What good would that do? ”

Father: “ The corner is 90 degrees! ”

## 12 September 2016

Some unusual metric conversions:

I million microphones = 1 megaphone

2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

10 cards = 1 decacards

1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

10 rations = 1 decoration

10 millipedes = 1 centipede

2 monograms = 1 diagram

## 29 August 2016

A talking sheep-dog gets all of the sheep in the pen for the farmer.

The dog comes back and says “All 40 sheep accounted for, sir”

The farmer checks and says “I‘ve only got 36!”

The dog says “I know but I rounded them up!”

## 22 August 2016

What kind of tree does a mathematics teacher climb?

A geometry!

## 27 June 2016

I hired an odd-job man to do 8 jobs for me.

When I checked he'd only done jobs 1, 3, 5 and 7.

## 6 June 2016

Have you heard about the mathematical plant?

It has square roots.

## 7 May 2016

Student: “How do you make the number seven even?”

Teacher: “Don’t be silly, 7 is an odd number!”

Student: “Take away the “s””

## 11 April 2016

Why is it dangerous to do maths in the jungle?

If you add 4 and 4 you get ate.

## 4 April 2016

You might be a future mathematics teacher if:

• you are fascinated by the equation y = ex
• you know off by heart the first fifty digits of π
• you know 10 ways to prove Pythagoras Theorem
• your telephone number is the sum of two prime numbers
• you have calculated that the Softball World series actually diverges
• you are sure that quadratic equations are a very useful tool.
• you have tried to prove Fermat’s Last Theorem
• you comment to your best friend that her straight hair is nice and parallel.

## 21 March 2016

Student: “Mum, can you help me to find the highest common factor?”

Mother: ”Don’t tell me they haven’t found it yet! They were looking for it when I was at school!

## 7 March 2016

There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count and those who can’t.

## 29 February 2016

Teacher: If 2 + 2 = 4 and 3 + 3 = 6 what is 4 + 4?

Student: That’s not fair, you do the easy questions and leave us with the hardest one!

## 22 February 2016

Teacher: ”Are you good at mathematics”

Student: “Yes and no”

Teacher: “What do you mean yes and no”

Student: “Yes, I’m no good at mathematics”

## 8 February 2016

How do you make the number seven an even number?

Take away the "s"!

## 8 February 2016

How do you make the number seven an even number?

Take away the "s"!

## 1 February 2016

When do mathematicians die?

When their number’s up.