Question: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: Ten. One to change the bulb, one to hold the ladder and seven to watch.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
How do you make 7 an even number?
Take away the first letter!
Did you hear about the boy who refused to take the decimals test?
He could not see the point!
Why is it dangerous to do arithmetic in the jungle?
If you add 4 and 4 you get ate!
I hired an odd-job man to do 8 jobs for me, but he only completed jobs 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Teacher: “What is 3k + 2k?”
George: “5000!”
An ignorant politician visits Algeria.
As part of his visit he delivers a speech to the Algerian people.
“You know that I regret that I have to give this speech in English.”
“I would very much prefer to talk to you in your own language.”
“But unfortunately, I was never good at algebra.”
Boy: “ Dad, it’s so cold in here! ”
Father: “ Well, go stand in the corner ”
Boy: “ What good would that do? ”
Father: “ The corner is 90 degrees! ”
Some unusual metric conversions:
I million microphones = 1 megaphone
2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
10 cards = 1 decacards
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
10 rations = 1 decoration
10 millipedes = 1 centipede
2 monograms = 1 diagram
2 wharves = 1 paradox
A talking sheep-dog gets all of the sheep in the pen for the farmer.
The dog comes back and says “All 40 sheep accounted for, sir”
The farmer checks and says “I‘ve only got 36!”
The dog says “I know but I rounded them up!”
What kind of tree does a mathematics teacher climb?
A geometry!
I hired an odd-job man to do 8 jobs for me.
When I checked he'd only done jobs 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Have you heard about the mathematical plant?
It has square roots.
Student: “How do you make the number seven even?”
Teacher: “Don’t be silly, 7 is an odd number!”
Student: “Take away the “s””
Why is it dangerous to do maths in the jungle?
If you add 4 and 4 you get ate.
You might be a future mathematics teacher if:
- you are fascinated by the equation y = ex
- you know off by heart the first fifty digits of π
- you know 10 ways to prove Pythagoras Theorem
- your telephone number is the sum of two prime numbers
- you have calculated that the Softball World series actually diverges
- you are sure that quadratic equations are a very useful tool.
- you have tried to prove Fermat’s Last Theorem
- you comment to your best friend that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
Student: “Mum, can you help me to find the highest common factor?”
Mother: ”Don’t tell me they haven’t found it yet! They were looking for it when I was at school!
There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count and those who can’t.
Teacher: If 2 + 2 = 4 and 3 + 3 = 6 what is 4 + 4?
Student: That’s not fair, you do the easy questions and leave us with the hardest one!
Teacher: ”Are you good at mathematics”
Student: “Yes and no”
Teacher: “What do you mean yes and no”
Student: “Yes, I’m no good at mathematics”
How do you make the number seven an even number?
Take away the "s"!
How do you make the number seven an even number?
Take away the "s"!
When do mathematicians die?
When their number’s up.
